Wow it’s been so long since I’ve blogged but right now G’s sleeping and I’m finally into my new house and creating some semblance of normal and a home in a house that has tradespeople coming through everyday trying to get the downstairs all finished up. So I can finally blog and not feel too guilty about it.
So far all is well in the new house. I have to say though that I’m looking forward to having the renovation complete so that big brother can move himself and his stuff downstairs and then I can paint G’s room before school starts and life gets too crazy. The positive thing about moving though has been the fact that I really feel like now I am doing this on my own now. I feel so much more independent. I love my sister very much, but I think sometimes she babies me a little bit more than is necessary and as a mom I need to be stronger and start to stand on my own two feet.
I think I’m starting to slowly emerge from the postpartum fog which has been interesting…yesterday I even caught myself checking out a guy’s bum which was a first since I’ve had G. Proof that I’m not dead and some day my sex drive will probably return. This is something I’m anticipating with mixed feelings. I have always had an insanely high sex drive and generally wanted sex way more often than the guys I have been with. I also found myself to be pretty self-destructive in the guys I choose to sleep with, I am a bottom feeder which basically means that I pick the skeeziest men you will ever meet (99% of what led me to this place I’m in now…single motherhood). Therefore I look upon this glimmer that foreshadows the return of my sex drive with mixed feelings. On the one hand it’s kind of nice to start thinking of my body in woman mode as opposed to baby making mode but on the other hand I worry. What if I continue to make these poor choices in men? What if the events of the past year haven’t been enough to scare me straight and help me choose better men?
All you single moms out there, I’d love to hear what you use as a screening process for the men you bring in to your children’s lives, or even the men you just choose to hang out with for fun? How do you know if they are even close to good enough? Recently on a thread on the single mom’s forum ms single momma asked us single moms when the last time we had sex was…I responded that I wasn’t sure when and if I would ever be able to trust a man again. She responded very wisely with the suggestion that first I learn to trust myself…I almost wonder if that might be harder!
Long overdue update…
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