Well not really, but this morning I woke up to a torrential downpour which has two effects. One it makes me less than motivated to get out for my morning walk and two it makes me extremely nervous for my move tomorrow afternoon. We need the rain considering the extremely warm weather we’ve through May and June but I would appreciate it more if the rain waited until Friday to make it’s appearance.
Yesterday G and I went to a mom and baby playdate at a new friend’s house. It was nice to talk to other moms and hang out and we both had a good time. Sometimes at play group or the public health sponsored mom and baby group I feel like such an odd one out. I think people have pre-conceived notions of what single parenting looks like, how someone parents as a single mom versus a married or attached mother especially in my small and kind of redneck town. I have found that I spend so much time and energy trying to contravene this stereotype because I don’t want to be judged by other mothers. For instance I was SO self conscious about the fact that I had gone out on Saturday night when G is only four months old. As though that was too soon, and when some of the other mothers questioned me on it I felt even more guilty and as though I needed to explain myself. I think this is magnified because I’m a single mother. There is no one to ask to babysit without feeling guilty and there is no one to consult with about important decisions that would sometimes be nice to have another person to talk things over with. That being said, when one of the girls asked me if I was single and I said yes, she shook her head and said, “I don’t know how you do it”. I made eye contact with the one other single mother there and automatically felt the need to defend my choice. I said that I don’t know any other way for it to be so although single motherhood is tough, I can’t imagine it any differently. Also I said that sometimes I think it would be easier, I told this room full of attached women to look at how much their relationships had changed and the fact that sometimes having a boyfriend or a husband AND a baby would be like having two babies. Also…I know this is going to sound selfish and awful but I don’t really want to share him. Most of the time I’m glad that Daddy Dearest isn’t around all that often and I hope that his time that he spends in town will peter off. When he’s here he disrupts our whole routine and I know this disruption is only going to become more palpable as G grows and changes.
On a side note…I love the phase G is going through right now, he’s utterly adorable (I’m his mom so of course I think so but other people have told me too). He’s growing so fast and such an active baby that I’m sure it won’t be long before he is a force to be reckoned with. I am treasuring this period of a portable, immobile and happy baby…the other day Daddy Dearest was over and said “geez I can’t wait until he starts crawling and walking, he’ll be a lot more fun”. I had to sit on my hands to keep from smacking him.
Today’s task…go grocery shopping to get stuff to make chili for the move tomorrow and get my stuff more packed and more contained to one area. Geez I hope the move goes smoothly my brother is far less organized than I am so I’m a little bit worried about his packing skills or lack thereof. Next time I blog I will hopefully be all situated into my new house! Wootwoot!!!!!
The sky is falling…
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